Childproofing 101

Childproofing 101 ~Childproofing through the years. 

First kid…0-2 years...

i knew I had to lock ALL the cabinets in the kitchen and the bathroom, with those little clippie ones that you had to reach in and hold down to get the damn cabinet to open…

Now, locks on toilets, just WAY too ANNOYING. I just stopped the brats at the door to the bathroom, with those big clunky door knob locks that you have to squeeze to actually turn the knob…

Door knobs covers all over house because frankly, they worked! My angelic eldest minion played in her room and where I wanted her to be, only.

Safety plates in all sockets, from the time they start to roll over…

All "bad" stuff is up HIGH, or in locked cabinet… even the high frequency use type stuff, like laundry soap and counter disinfectant spray…

Baby gates, if the door couldn’t stay shut, at top of stairs..  helps with small dogs as well… very useful.

Bumpers on coffee tables… maybe for those ambitious parents anyway.  Me? I just took the damn coffee table out to the garage for a few months.

Second (and third kid, such as in my case) kid comes; first kid is now 2-5 years…

The mostly remaining cabinet locks are still working double duty. The few that have snapped in a panic to GET the coffee out before the screams commence, are awaiting repair, but other than those few, the kitchen and bathrooms are still locked down.

Due to the ever constant screeches for “heeeeellllpp…I can’t open the door” whilst dancing the potty dance down the hall while I am nursing, door knob/ toilet locks have long since been taken off.  Also not a good idea if your in said bathroom and run out of toilet paper while a toddler is the only one home who can fetch a new roll from the other ALSO locked bathroom for you. Just trust me on this. But a sturdy few door knobs locks remain. Ya’know…like on those doors that really ARE a no-go territory. The front/back door and MY room are still safely off limits...unless I forget to close the door.

Most safely plates still remain as well. I mean, all kids LOVE to stick all assortment of crap in those little holes… you just HAVE to cover them.  And the nine more boxes of outlet covers received during the last two pregnancies more than cover all the holes. I just have to remember to tell angelic eldest to put them BACK in after she yanks the vacuum cord out.

All the bad stuff is no longer safe just up high from the angelic eldest who can effortlessly climb on cabinets, walls, or up door jams…all to the blissful amusement and apt attention from the second born toddler.  I am pretty sure I saw the infant baby watching rather intently while sucking boob as well. ALL bad stuff now has to be locked down at all times.  In my house, threats of death and horrible disfigurement if touched may also be used to counter the curiosity of eldest child, thus keeping her out of the counter disinfectant and dish/laundry soap. Because I sure as hell cant be expected to keep fighting with the clippie lock to get that shit in and out nine hundred times a day while nursing and following a toddler and a preschooler around. But, its ok because the REALLY BAD shit was still locked up tight.

Baby gates are still great for dogs. It IS amazing, however, how fast a 2 year old can learn to climb over them while watching angelic eldest do it with ease. At the top of the stairs, this would be more dangerous I would wager…so like I said… baby gates still work GREAT for little dogs. And that’s about all.

The coffee table is once again back in place…to color on, build blocks, train sets, race cars, family games and that just-learning-to-walk baby/toddler can just learn to maneuver… and OFF with those bumpers, they get in the way of jumping from table to couch as well… or so I have been told.

Fourth child arrives; eldest is 5-10…

Cabinet locks have almost all ripped off.  The two cabinets that still have them hold items that no one ever needs. Dusty vases perhaps? Some still have the pokey out plastic part that jabs you in the leg when someone forgets to close the cabinet door.  In lieu of cabinet locks, the baby gate is back up in the kitchen doorway to just keep the ones that it CAN hold out, out.  It still works great on small dogs and the youngest child, usually. Door knobs locks are a fantasy of the past as soon as engineering second born figures out how to pop them off. But, throughout the house, and although at least 600 get caught in the vacuum hose, behind dressers, under beds and behind entertainment centers, those outlets are mostly still covered!

FIFTH child arrives….others are 9-16

Those two remaining cabinets, with working child proof locks, now house all the bleach, ajax and CLR…who cares if it’s the top cabinet, and I have to climb on a chair just to reach it? It’s not like I have a chance to actually clean anything anyway.  Besides, that’s what teenagers are for. The baby gate would still keep the small dog in/out… but after baby gate #456, I started to try another route..besides I got ‘lucky’ to have a toddler that wouldn't be out of sight range to-me for more than two seconds. Feel my joy? The much loved coffee table has long since retired…and two more have come and lived and retired even after that one.  Space is now needed for sleepovers and movie nights.  Learning-to-walk baby has WAY more than a coffee table to maneuver around now!

You can DAMN sure those outlets are gonna be covered! 

Ain't nothing like the very best baby proofing idea known to man. Eyes. EVERYWHERE. :)